Today I wanted to talk a little about the inner journey. This is a picture of me performing flamenco at a recital in June, with the studio Esencia Flamenca Dance Company. I have been studying flamenco there for a little over two years.
I love this photo because when I look at it I feel like a superhero. I feel brave and courageous. Almost every time I dance, whether it be in class or a performance, I am continuously parenting my self-doubt. But I have learned that the old adage, "showing up is half the battle" to be very true. Doubling down in my commitment to class and practice does not hurt either.
I will admit, I am a lifelong perfectionist. And a lazy perfectionist at that. It is not a combination I wish upon anybody, although I know I am not alone in this. Wanting to be good at things without having the drive to practice has felt like a plague. Diving deeply into flamenco classes at the studio over these past two years has forced me to look that perfectionism in squarely in the eye.
And quite literally, looking at myself directly in the mirror during class and when I practice helps me accept myself as I am. Showing up. Perfect where I am. For the longest time I couldn't look at myself when I danced. I felt silly. I was judging myself at every move. Now I look right into my own eyes. It's empowering.
I have started to learn to let go of being "good" or "perfect" at flamenco, and do it because I love it. I love to dance, plain and simple. I love to dance onstage. It's fun and thrilling. I feel like I have something to express.